I'm American, but I ain't no lady

The other day I went to a New Members Night for the American Ladies Club. It’s not actually called the ladies club, I just say that to be disparaging. I didn’t go with the highest expectations. Nico says this must mean that I don’t think so highly of Americans. I say, well…you know, New York is not really like the rest of America.

For the most part, the ladies were fine. Actually, not all of them were American. I guess you just have to want to spend time with Americans to be in this club. Apparently they’ve been getting a lot of new members lately. Odd timing. But anyway, the first woman I talked to was going on and on about how she hated to leave the States, because she had this AMAZING apartment with a doorman, a roof deck, a gym in the building, great view (the list went on and on, it was ridiculous), and she came here and she DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A DOORMAN. Can you believe it????? You mean you had to wipe your own ass? It’s like living in the third world!

But the award for most truly awful hateful skank goes to Rita, a really unattractive lawyer from LA. Rita asked me if I was working, and I told her that right now I was focusing on learning German. She proceeded to lecture me about how I really should get a job.

Rita: You know, a lot of the American women who come here with their husbands, they don’t get a job because they say it’s just a nightmare or whatever. But if you don’t do it now, if you wait for a year, then you’ll never do it because you’ll be unmotivated.

Me: Uh huh

Rita: It’s really important for you to have your own life with your own friends, and once you realize that people just have jobs for the social aspect, then you’ll be much better off. If you have your own life and your own friends, your husband will be much happier.

Me: Right. Well, if I get a life it’ll be so that I’ll be happy, not so that my husband will be happy.

Rita: You know, some women they just sit around waiting for their husbands, and then 30 years go by and they wonder why their marriages fail.

Me: (barely contained look of hatred)

Rita: So, where are you from?

Me: Well, I was born in Virginia, but I’ve been living in New York for the last eight years.

Rita: As an adult?

Me: Um, yeesss, I’ve been an adult for the last eight years.

At this point, I decided that if I just looked at her with a slight grimace indicating my complete displeasure with her whole being, she would get disinterested and look away. She started talking to my neighbour about Yale and how although the college she had been in hadn’t been the most attractive, they had the highest average IQ. Then I barfed all over the table.