Trip Down Memory Lane

Just had to bring back Moe...

my subway ride home was slightly more entertaining than usual this evening...

I entered the train and, as there were no seats, was standing near the door. Just before the door closed, two guys got on the train and, when the train lurched forward, the guy who was not holding on (and was seriously drunk), stepped hard on my foot. I made some sort of pain-induced noise, just overly-dramatic enough to display my irritation and looked at him to wait for some sort of acknowledgment that he had just stepped on my (sandal-ed and therefore unprotected) foot. He eventually looked over at me and put his hand on my back, apologizing, "Sorry sweetheart."

After a couple of stops, two seats opened up. I took one and the drunk guy's friend took the one next to me. I was mostly trying to ignore them, but it sounded like there had been some sort of incident with a woman they know and they were discussing what would happen next ("i don't give a fuck what she thinks" "man, she's gonna blackmail your ass, that's what she gonna do."). next thing i know, drunk guy (who is standing in front of me), is trying to get my attention by tapping on my new yorker magazine.

drunk guy: "uh, excuse me.."

i give him the "i'm just a new yorker trying to get home on the subway, don't bother me" hand.

drunk guy: "nah, nah, don't give me the hand. i just want to ask you a question. let's just say - now i know that i could never get with you, but let's just say, hypothetically...."

me: (head in new yorker, not looking up) "..."

drunk guy: "are you listening to me?"

me: "no"

drunk guy: "okay, well at least you answered me."

drunk guy (to his friend): "now see, this is a perfect example of what i'm talking about. you see the way she just brushed me off? did you see the way she brushed me off? now how are you gonna ask me about betty? the same thing is gonna happen there. and if i ask this other young lady on the other side of you, she gonna say the same thing."

(further discussion on this same topic went on for a long time, most of which i successfully ignored.

then drunk guy decides to address the entire subway car as his friend cringed in embarassment and said, "aw man, this mother fucker's crazy"):

"good evening ladies and gentlemen. my name is moe, at least that's what people call me. i ain't out here to ask for money or sell you anything or preach the gospel. i simply want to ask a question: if someone who you didn't know, asked you 'can i get with you', would you get with them? i'm being serious, okay? if a stranger came up to you on the subway and asked if you would get with them, would you go with them? can it happen? i'm not asking any one of you to get with me, i'm just asking if it can happen. so anyone who thinks it can happen, raise your hand. come on, let me hear you raise your hand..."

silence

"aw man, come on, i am trying to find out, can this happen? HEY YOU - WAKE UP - can it happen? can you find love on the train? i mean, we're all looking for love, right? isn't that what it's all about? we're all looking for a relationship. so now none of ya'll want to say that you're thinking about it, but i know you are. you're looking around the train, thinking - is it him? is it her? can it happen to me?"

he proceeded to ask nearly everyone on the train if they thought it could happen. but he got to one dreadlocked guy who was not interested in playing around. when moe asked him, he said, "i know people probably listen to you all day at work and that's fine, but i ain't interested. don't talk to me."

moe: "yes, but can it happen?"

dread: "don't talk to me."

moe: "yes, but can it happen?"

dread: "don't talk to me."

moe: "yes, but i'm asking you can it happen?"

dread: "don't talk to me."

moe: "can...it...happen..."

things escalated until dreadlocked guy stood up and said, "get your hands off me." at this point moe's friend came over (as did several other "heroic" men) to calm things down. at the next stop, moe's friend dragged him off the train. as we were waiting in the station, moe kept running up to the train doors to say "find love" and "don't give up - it can happen" "find love or you'll end up alone....like me"

i love new york.